Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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