It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
