Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
