Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
