So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
