she looked like the bat from fern gully.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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