I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
