I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
