thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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