mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
