Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
