Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
