i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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