I smell stomach acid.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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