She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
