The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
