I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
