She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
