id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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