Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
