I think my fart just growled at me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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