clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
