I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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