Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize