hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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