VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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