Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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