A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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