Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
