Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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