Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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