we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
