I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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