I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
