they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I love having hate sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
