His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
