At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
