You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
