Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
