At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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