when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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