i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
how does that bad decision feel?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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