how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
