1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
