I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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