I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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