Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
