I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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