Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
