That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
