Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
