So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
