they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
