feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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