You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
