I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
