I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
