I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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