He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
