he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
