i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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