You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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