Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
