We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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