his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
