Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
