I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
