one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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