I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
