carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize