Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
