Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
